Sam Bankman-Fried’s Cry for Freedom Crushed by the Appeals Court – Will He Ever Escape?

Court denies Sam Bankman-Fried's attempt to secure release

FTX founder and convicted fraudster Sam Bankman-Fried is in for a not-so-fun ride! Despite his attempts to break free, a United States appellate court has firmly said, “No dice, buddy!” and decided to keep him locked up until further notice. Talk about a heavy bag of disappointment!

But hey, it’s not like Bankman-Fried didn’t have a reason to be caged. The court reminded everyone of his previous shenanigans trying to tamper with two witnesses while on pretrial release. Oops, someone didn’t learn their lesson! The court was having none of it, saying, “Sorry, but we’re not buying it.” I mean, who would?

In a surprising twist, Bankman-Fried’s legal team argued that leaking Caroline Ellison’s diaries to The New York Times was no biggie, just exercising his freedom of speech, like a modern-day Shakespeare scribbling away. But the court quickly shut that argument down, stating that witness tampering is as protected by the First Amendment as chewing gum under a theater seat.

Oh, and did we mention the court also denied Bankman-Fried’s claim that there were less restrictive alternatives to being locked up like a prized parrot? They basically said, “Nah, we’ve already considered all the options, and the verdict is in: you’re stuck.”

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To add salt to the wound, Bankman-Fried was dealt a final blow when he was found guilty of not one, not two, but seven counts of fraud and money laundering. Talk about an unlucky lottery ticket! Now, he’ll have to wait until March 28 next year to find out his fate. Oh, the suspense!

So, dear readers, it seems like our trusty FTX founder won’t be enjoying freedom anytime soon. Looks like his plans for beachside margaritas will have to wait. Maybe he can find solace in a game of Monopoly behind bars and trade little greenhouses for that electric company. Hang in there, Bankman-Fried, and remember, the world of digital assets continues to spin without you.

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